Finding Ways To Create Positive Memories With Our Children

Posted on November 19, 2011 by willieryder

This past Friday the latest movie in the Twilight series “Breaking Dawn” was released to theaters.  Like all of the others the first showing was the night before at 12:01 AM.  That is the time I like to go and see these particular movies.

For someone who doesn’t like waiting in lines or being in huge crowds that may appear a little odd.  Since the movies are geared towards the current teenage generation a 40-year-old man may appear out of place.  However, I look forward to going to each one of these movies at that time because my daughters do.

They think it is special to get to stay up until 3:00 AM on a school night because of the release of one of their favorite movies.  It is a rare treat for them.  For me it is getting a chance to spend extra time with them and a way of creating positive memories.

Over the years I have taken them to a lot of movies.  Some have been good and some were just ok.  I am sure as they get older they will remember going to the movies as a child and teenager.  But the experience they had going to most of the movies will probably be forgotten.  Not the ones that were special though.  Definitely not the ones were they got to go at 12:01 AM.

I also use this as a way to teach them that they can have fun but must still take care of their responsibilities.  Even though we get home late and they don’t typically get to sleep to around 3:00 AM they must still get up in the morning and go to school on time.  Forgoing their responsibilities because they are tired from having too much fun is not an option.  They have never been late or unable to go to school due to attending a late night movie with me.

This past week friends of mine at work told me they could not believe I was going to see this movie, especially at that time of night.  It was not something they would be willing to do.  I understand why they feel that way and I respect their opinions, however I wouldn’t miss it.

When my children are older I want them to remember that I valued my time with them and that I was willing to go out of my way to do the things that they enjoy just to be with them.  Sometimes that takes being creative and having to do things a lot of fathers would not.  But that is ok because my kids are worth it.

Our children grow up way too fast. We must do our best to spend time with them and create positive memories worth cherishing. For them and us.

Posted in Family, Personal Development | Leave a comment

Being Labeled And It’s Impact

Posted on November 7, 2011 by willieryder

A friend of mine is a 3rd grade teacher at a nearby elementary school.

One day we were having a conversation about a young boy I had recently started mentoring.  He knew him well because he was in his class a couple of years before.

I mentioned that I was told the boy struggled with reading and math.  However, after spending a little bit of time with him I felt his reading and math skills were actually better than I would have expected.  At least when he focused on what he was doing.

He seemed to get distracted very easily, constantly moving around and touching things, paying too much attention to what was going on around him, and not wanting to do his school work. He also seemed to like getting attention and when he was not getting enough he would do something he shouldn’t just to get attention.

I asked my friend, “Is he hyperactive?”

“I think so, but I am not positive.  Each year the teachers talk to his mom about possibly getting him tested and she always refuses.”

“Why,” I asked.

“Because she is afraid if he is diagnosed as hyperactive he will be labeled.”

I was stunned!  Here is a young boy who is struggling at school and needed help.  However, he was possibly not going to get it because his mom was worried that he would be labeled.

When I heard this it about broke my heart.  You see the more I got to know him the more I saw similarities to myself when I was a young boy.  I had a lot of the same struggles when I was his age and in order to overcome them I needed help.

This got me thinking.  Had I been labeled and did it have an impact on the person I am today?

Looking back through my life I do believe I have been labeled on many occasions.

Around the first or second grade I struggled in school and appeared to have an overwhelming amount of energy.  I would end up being diagnosed and labeled as hyperactive and put on medication.  I had to take medicine in the morning before leaving the house, half way through the school day, and then a different type of medicine at night before going to bed.  All of this to slow me down and try to help me focus.

In the third grade I struggled so much that they considered moving me to a “special needs class.”  In fourth grade I had to have a fifth grader come in to my class and tutor me to help me learn to read better.

My struggles would follow me throughout all my years in school and I would have many labels.

In high school my grades would go from being ok at the beginning of the 9th grade to terrible by graduation.  My attendance would go from hardly missing school to almost not graduating if I missed another day or two.  Let’s just say I was very lucky to graduate when I did.

For my performance or lack of I was labeled on numerous occasions.  Just to share some of the most memorable ones through high school.  As a senior I was voted most likely to fall asleep in class by my peers.  Then upon graduation with my diploma I also received a transcript that stated I was number 222 out of 223 students who graduated that year.  That basically meant NO FUTURE.

Luckily soon after graduation I realized just how bad my future looked.  It bothered me enough that I decided to do something about it and was committed to turning my life around.  Not willing to let my past decide my future I started by giving myself new labels.  I was determined to work hard, have a great attitude, and always do my best at everything I did.

This change helped me to go on and be successful through two part-time jobs, 10 years in the Marine Corps, and almost 11 years and counting at Microsoft.  Throughout all of this I would still be labeled by others on numerous occasions.

While in the Marine Corps I was recognized as the Marine and Non Commissioned Officer of the month and quarter on several occasions, received the Navy/Marine Corps Achievement Medal, and a month before I got out I was awarded the Pioneer Award by the Defense Information Systems Agency (DISA), the first Marine to receive this award in my job field.

At Microsoft I have received a Great People Great Performance Award, a few Gold Star Awards, and prior to moving into a management role I was recognized as a Microsoft Certified Architect.  At the time there were only around 75 in the world.  I have also been selected to participate in a High Potential Leadership program for 4 out of the 8 years of the programs existence.  The program is made up of the top 2 to 4 percent of the employees in the company.

Throughout my life I have had many labels; some were good, some were bad, and many of them have had an impact on the person I am today, but only because I have allowed them to.

A lot of the labels were put on me by others because of how I presented myself, the struggles I had, and the accomplishments I made.  However, some of the labels were also self-inflicted and to me those have been the most important ones.  The labels I chose as a hard worker, having a great attitude, and always doing my best at everything I did.  Even more critical the labels I chose as a friend, coach, mentor, husband, and father.

What I ask of each person that reads this is to take a few minutes whether it is right now, later today, or sometime next week when you have time to reflect and ask yourself; “What labels have you been living with? Are they helping you to be your very best or are they holding you back from being the person you were meant to be?”

Take a hard look at the ones that do not represent the true you inside or the person you want to be; then throw them out and start creating new ones that you can be proud of and that will help you work towards your full potential.  It’s never too late to become the person you were meant to be.

Each and every one of us has the ability to guide our own future successes and failures.  By the decisions we make, the actions we take, and the behaviors we display.

Others will try to label us.  The best thing for us to do is to recognize who we are, who we want to be, and work as hard as we possibly can to be the best versions of ourselves regardless of the labels we are given by others.

Posted in Personal Development | Leave a comment

Character Chat – Responsibility

Posted on October 30, 2011 by willieryder

“Responsibility” is the character trait that gets discussed in character chat at my son’s school during the month of October.

Last week I visited his class to discuss “Responsibility” with him and his classmates.  We talked about what it means, read a book, and I asked questions to get them sharing their ideas on the topic.

I started by asking them what they thought responsibility means.  Several of them volunteered to share in their own words what they thought it means.  They talked about picking up after yourself, listening to the teacher, and doing your school work just to name a few.

After hearing their ideas I shared the definition that is in the dictionary.

Responsibility – the state, fact, or position of being accountable to somebody or for something.

I then read them the book “The Pal Patrol.” It’s a short story with a few of the characters from the Lion King.

At the beginning of the story Timon and Pumba are waiting for Simba at Pride Rock for a fun and relaxing day.  Simba is an hour late though.  While they are waiting they start to discuss how he rarely has time for them since becoming the king.

Eventually Simba shows up and apologizes for being late.  Something came up that he had to take care of.  After explaining why he was late they decide to enjoy the rest of the afternoon relaxing together and having fun.  Practicing Hakuna Matata, meaning “No Worries.”

Unfortunately their time together is cut short because Zazu brings him news that some cubs are in need of his help.  Simba apologizes to his friends and lets them know he will not be able to spend the afternoon with them after all.

Timon asks him if he likes being the king since it means he now has so many responsibilities.

Simba tells him that he enjoys being responsible for keeping everyone safe and having so much responsibilities.  It makes him feel as if he is doing something that matters.

After parting ways Timon and Pumba state they are glad they don’t have responsibilities that tie them down.  They go about their day practicing Hakuna Matata.

While gathering their afternoon snack they came upon across a fire.  They quickly realize if something is not done soon it could mean disaster for all of the Pride Lands and it’s occupants.

Unfortunately they are incapable of putting out the fire themselves and no one else is around to help.  Their initial thought is to go find Simba but there is no time.  Instead Timon goes off to the local water hole to see if there is someone there that can help.  While he is gone Pumba stays to look over the fire to make sure no one gets close enough to get hurt.

While waiting for help Pumba notices a herd of Zebra’s approaching the fire.  He quickly got between them and the fire and stopped them before they got close enough to get hurt.

Soon after Timon shows up with a group of elephants all carrying water in their trunks.  The elephants emptied their trunks on the fire putting it out and preventing any further damage.

During that time Simba had heard about the fire and came to investigate it.  When he arrives he tells his friends that he came as quickly as he could but it looks like they have already taken care of the situation and saved the Pride Lands.

Timon and Pumba realize what a great deed they had done and immediately felt proud of themselves.  They had never known how good it felt to have responsibilities before.

Simba asks his two friends if they would help him by being responsible for the safety of the Pride Lands and it’s occupants by being the official fire patrol.  They agreed to help by taking on the responsibility if he agreed to relax more.

After finishing the book and reiterating the messages with the kids I asked them some questions to get them thinking and engaged.

I asked them if they could give me an example of someone who has responsibilities.  They said parents, teachers, police officers, mayor, themselves, everyone, and several other great examples.

I told them all of their responses were correct.  I also highlighted the two that I liked the best.  I let them know that I liked how someone said themself and that someone recognized the fact that everyone has responsibilities.

I explained that each and every one of us have responsibilities regardless of our age or the roles that we have in life.  Whether it be at home, school, work, or in the community.

I then went around the room and asked each student to give me an example of a responsibility they have.  They talked about listening in class, cleaning their rooms, doing homework, taking care of their younger siblings, and many others.

When they were done I challenged each of them to come up with 3 different things they will be responsible for by the end of the week.  I let them know the activities can be at school, home, or in their neighborhoods.

My hope is that they will remember that each and every one of us have responsibilities in all areas of our lives and often they have an impact on others.  I also want them to know how great it feels when you realize something you did has had a positive impact on someone else.

Posted in Character Chat, Personal Development | Leave a comment

Leadership Shorts – Take Risks

Posted on October 27, 2011 by willieryder

Leaders take risks.

A few years ago the Senior Director in my organization went on a 3 month sabbatical.  Prior to leaving he asked us to hire 5 people while he was gone.

Within 2 weeks the individual that was temporarily put in charge to run our organization reviewed our current headcount and future forecasted volume and decided we actually needed to hire 20 people.

Increasing the amount of people by an additional 15 was risky.  Especially since he was only in charge until our Senior Director returned.

Luckily he was willing to take the risk.  Throughout that year we actually ended up needing to hire closer to 50 additional people due to the demands placed on our business.  By acting quickly we were able to minimize any negative impact our period of growth had on our customers, business, and people.

As a leader you must be capable and willing to take calculated risks.

Posted in Leadership, Leadership Shorts | Leave a comment

Toastmasters – Communications, Leadership, and then some.

Posted on October 21, 2011 by willieryder

About a month ago I had a very interesting conversation with my friend Bryan Walsh about Toastmasters.

He asked me “What do you think about the new branding and information being put out from Toastmasters International.”

“From what I have seen so far it is fine.  I haven’t had time to go through it all though.  Why?”

“I have had some people voice their concerns that Toastmasters is getting away from its core.”

“Getting away from its core.  What do you mean?”

“Toastmasters used to be all about communications and now there appears to be a strong focus on leadership.”

“Before Toastmasters was all about communications?  Is that what everyone got from being a member? Being a better communicator.  I can see that, but is that the only thing everyone got from it?  For the clubs I have been a member of it goes well beyond just being a better communicator.

To get a better understanding of what Toastmasters has been about I think we should be asking ourselves why do most people first attend a Toastmasters meeting, what do they get from joining and participating in the meetings, and what impact does Toastmasters have on its members?

I will answer these questions with what I have observed from my home club “Constructive Speakers” over the years.

Why do most people first attend a meeting?  Usually to work on their public speaking abilities.  They may want to overcome a fear of having to get up and speak in front of other people, give presentations, or lead meetings.

What do they get from joining and participating in the meetings?  After attending a meeting most people realize it is a lot more than just practicing giving speeches and presentations.  There is the opportunity to work on formal speeches but there are also opportunities to work on impromptu speeches, listening skills, providing feedback (written and verbal), receiving feedback, running meetings, time management, networking, and much more.  There  are also opportunities to hold Club Officer roles, having a mentor, mentoring others, and leading projects.

What impact does Toastmasters have on its members?  One of the biggest impacts I think Toastmasters has had on the members in my clubs over the years is confidence.  It has helped to build and instill confidence in them to grow and take on different challenges in both their professional and personal lives.

In Constructive Speakers over the years I have seen individuals get promotions at their current company, change companies, start their own company, go back to college to further their education, get involved in the community, coach youth sports, give presentations and demos for large audiences, get interviewed on TV, get featured in local newspapers, and many other opportunities and achievements.  In each and every case the individuals have credited Toastmasters for helping them to accomplish what they have.

For me personally since joining Toastmasters I have been promoted to a leadership role at the company I work, expanded on my role as a coaching with youth basketball, and volunteer regularly to speak at local elementary schools.  Toastmasters has helped with all of these.  However the real value I have received is that it has provided me the opportunity to reflect on what I feel is important in my life personally and professionally, find my voice, and to hone my message whether I am communicating with my family, at work, with the kids I coach, the individuals I mentor, or just out in the community.

Getting back to the question of whether Toastmasters is getting away from its core.

I believe Toastmasters has always been about helping others to grow and develop their skills in Communications, Leadership, and building self-confidence.

Almost every person that I have met in Toastmasters over the years has had different strengths and weakness in an area or areas that being a member of Toastmasters helps with.

As a Toastmaster I feel it is our responsibility to provide an environment where people can come and work on their own areas of development.  Whether it be in Communications, Leadership, Confidence, or something else closely related.

Posted in Communications, Leadership, Personal Development | 3 Comments

Our Thoughts Drive Our Responses

Posted on October 15, 2011 by willieryder

It was around 9:30 PM and I was finally almost home.  I had a late night meeting and I had just picked up my daughter from Starbucks where she was studying for her upcoming SAT.  We were two blocks away from the entrance to our neighborhood driving on the service road.

On the service road there are street lights along one side of the road that keeps the sidewalk and half of the road well lit.  However, the other half of the road can be pretty dark because there are no lights on that side.  Just a fence and a lot of trees.

As we approached our neighborhood I noticed someone about a block away on the sidewalk walking a dog.  What I didn’t see at the time was the second dog that was not on a leash in the road in my lane.  It was a big black lab and it was facing away from me.

When I got closer the dog turned its head and I saw the light reflect off its eyes.  I immediately tapped the brakes and swerved slightly to the right.  Not enough to go off the side of the road or lose control.  But it was enough to give the dog time to move out of the way and keep me from hitting it.

Since we were fine and the dog was now out of the road I continued on my way to our house.  Along the way I found myself thinking several different thoughts about the situation.

I was grateful we were able to avoid an accident and no one was hurt.  It was a good thing that I was driving and not my daughter because I am a more experienced driver.  I was not sure she would have been able to react as fast.  I was also glad that we were in my wife’s Suburban and not my Accord because if we had gotten in an accident the chances of us being hurt should have been less.

I also considered how fast I was going.  Was I possibly going to fast?  I am pretty sure I was going the speed limit or slower.  If I was going faster I don’t think I would have been able to avoid hitting the dog or going off the road.

Even though I had a lot going on in my thoughts the only verbal response I shared at the time was “Not having that dog on a leash is not a good idea.”

Apparently my daughter also had a lot of thoughts about the situation because immediately after my comment she blurted out “Is that lady crazy? Why didn’t she have that dog on a leash?  We could have crashed and been hurt.  I can’t believe you didn’t say anything to her.  If it was me I would have stopped and gave her a piece of my mind.”

In response I told her “I am just glad no one got hurt.  Us or the dog.”  This appeared to appease her for a little bit.

When we got home she got out of the car and walked up to the door.  It took me a little longer because I had to get my stuff out of the back seat.  When I got to the door she asked me “How are you so calm after what just happened?  I can’t believe you aren’t as worked up as I am right now.”

“Would it help the situation?”

“What do you mean?”

“If I was as worked up as you are right now would it help the situation?”

“I don’t know.  But if it was me I would have given her a piece of my mind.”

“Would that help?”

“Yes!”

“How would that have helped?”

“Maybe she would start keeping her dog on a leash and prevent it from possibly causing an accident in the future.”

“Your right.  Maybe if I said something to her she may start to keep the dog on the leash. However, after seeing her dog almost get ran over don’t you think she may now realize she should keep it on a leash?

“I doubt it.”

The next day I found myself considering the incident and the impact it had on my daughter.  She was really worked up about it and did not want to let it go.  I understand the concern she had but I was worried that she had let her thoughts get the better of her.  If almost getting into an accident got her that worked up I could not imagine if we would have really gotten into one.

Everyone gets worked up the way she had on occasion.  I can remember several times where I have been just as upset as she appeared or even more so.  That being the case I asked myself why we had each responded differently in this situation.

Then it hit me.  The thoughts we each had immediately after.  We were both focused on what could have happened and the possible outcome.  However, she got upset because of the possible outcome and I was grateful that we were able to avoid it.

Because of the thoughts that dominated our minds she was very upset and I was very grateful.

Our thoughts drive how we respond to a situation.  They also determine the decisions we make, the actions we take, and the behaviors we display.  Especially during a very difficult situation.

Since our thoughts have such a huge impact on us and those around us we should give our best effort to try to think healthy thoughts as often as possible.

Posted in Family, Personal Development | Leave a comment

Leadership Shorts – Emotions

Posted on September 28, 2011 by willieryder

As a leader you have to be able to factor in the impact emotions have on the decisions you make.  You have to know when their needed and when to remove them in order to make the right decision.  Especially when someone else will be impacted by the decisions you make.

Emotions are very powerful.  They can hinder or help our ability to make the right decision at times.

When you are happy or content you may be hesitant to make any changes.  When you are unhappy you may feel the need to radically change things because of how you feel in the moment.  Either of these could be good or bad depending on the results you want to achieve.

Leaders recognize the importance of emotion and the impact it has on their decision-making ability.  They do their best to factor it in to the outcome they are looking for before making any decisions.

Posted in Leadership, Leadership Shorts | Leave a comment

Youth Basketball – Imagine

Posted on September 23, 2011 by willieryder

As the guard on the opposing team drove through the defense, got in the lane, and made a lay-up the coach knew something had to change.

The past few games the teams they played against had a guard or two that easily got in the paint and was able to put up a lot of points.  They had tried both a man to man defense and a 2 – 3 zone and neither seemed to be working.

It didn’t help that their team easily had the smallest players in the conference.  Most of the teams they played against had guards that were as big as their post players.  The post players tried to step up and help by keeping them from driving in the lane but by the time they closed out the guards were getting their shots off and making a good percentage of them.

The coach decided they must come up with a defense that would put a post player in the paint that would keep them from being able to drive right up the lane.  At the next practice he taught them a 1 – 3 – 1 zone that would put the point guard at the top of 3 point area, the 2 wing players on both sides of the free throw line, 1 of the post players on the free throw line, and the other post player in the middle of the paint just in front of the basket.

The next game they played a man to man defense and 1 – 3 – 1 zone defense.  This appeared to help keep the guards on the other team from getting into the lane and getting easy shots.

At the next practice they continued to work on the 1 – 3 – 1 zone defense.  When the practice was over the coach sat down with Dionne to discuss the new defense.  Dionne was the post player he had put on the free throw line to help keep the opposing teams guards out of the lane.

“Dionne, what do you think of our new defense?”

“I like it.”

“From your position you will be responsible for keeping them out of the lane, do you think you can handle that?”

“Yes coach, I think I can.”

“Good, so do I.”

“Coach?”

“Yes, Dionne?”

“Every since the game yesterday I keep thinking about the new defense.  I keep imagining the guard on the other team trying to drive in the lane, taking the ball away from them, and then driving the other way for a lay-up.”

“Is that way you keep imagining happening?”

“Yes coach.”

“Do you believe that you can do it?”

“Yes coach.”

“Then you can.  Because if you can imagine it enough to see it clearly and you believe in yourself, then you can.  The only thing left is to make it happen.”

The next night they had a game.  They started in a man to man defense and for a while they were able to match up with the other team.  Late in the first half the opposing teams guards started driving in the lane looking to shoot lay-ups.  Noticing this the coach screams out to switch to the 1 – 3 – 1 zone defense.

Within a few possessions of changing to the 1 – 3 – 1 defense the opposing guard attempted to drive right up the middle.  She was immediately met by Dionne, who quickly grabbed hold of the ball, ripped it from the point guards hands, and started driving the other way.

Dionne was so fast that she drove right past two of the opposing teams guards.  They attempted to catch her but she was just too fast.  By the time they got to half-court she was already at the free throw line with no one between her and the basket.  She drove right up the middle of the lane, shot the ball over the front of the rim, off the back board, and into the basket.

The coach was so excited for Dionne.  It was exactly how she had imagined it.

After the next practice he told her how proud he was of her.  He also made sure that she understood the important lesson she had just learned.  That she could do anything she put her mind to.  She just has to imagine it, believe that it is possible, and then take action.

There are times that she may not be successful her first try like she was in yesterdays game.  However, if she stays focused and keeps trying she can do anything as long as she never gives up.

Posted in Youth Basketball | 1 Comment

Character Chat – Respect

Posted on September 21, 2011 by willieryder

“Respect” is the character trait that gets discussed in character chat at my son’s school during the month of September.

This week I visited his class to discuss “Respect” with him and his classmates.  We talked about what it means, read a book, and I asked questions to get them sharing their ideas on the topic.

I started by asking them what they thought respect means.  Several of them volunteered to share in their own words what they thought it means.  They talked about listening to their parents, being nice to others, and doing what their told just to name a few.

After hearing their ideas I thanked them for sharing them and I told them the definition that is in the dictionary.

Respect – A feeling or attitude of admiration and deference toward somebody or something.  Consideration or thoughtfulness.

After sharing the definition with them I highlighted how it related with the ideas they had previously shared.

I then read them the book “The Great Stone Face” by Nathaniel Hawthorne.

This is a story about a young boy who grows up in a small village.  Overshadowing the village is a mountain containing a huge stone face.  There is a prophecy that states someone in the village will grow up to resemble the likeness of the stone face and they will be the noblest person of their time.

In the book there are a few times where the villagers think the prophecy has come to pass as past villagers return after gaining riches, success, and fame.  The first time is when a rich merchant returns, the next time is when a successful general returns, and finally the last time is when a famous politician returns.  However, each time they are mistaken and soon realize they were not the person mentioned in the prophecy.

By the end of the story the villagers realize that the prophecy has indeed come to pass and the noble person they were looking for was there all along.  It was Ethan who had spent his whole life in the village working hard, taking care of his family, looking after those in the community, and always displaying great character.

To me this story was perfect to share and discuss the topic of “Respect.”  It highlights the fact that respect given because of having a lot of money,  success, and fame does not last and eventually fades.  The only way to have genuine and lasting respect is by having great character and treating others with respect.

After finishing the book and reiterating the messages with the kids I asked them some questions to get them thinking and engaged.

I asked them to share some things you can do to show respect towards someone else.  They talked about doing what your told, helping others, picking up after yourself, and many other examples.

Once I thought the kids had shared enough examples I then asked them who they thought they should respect.  Their list included their parents, siblings, friends, teachers, and one little boy had my favorite response “the whole world.”

At this point I let him know that was my favorite response because I believe you should respect everyone.  I also told them that in order for you to get respect you must give respect and that you should always treat others the way you want to be treated.

My hope is that they will remember that respect is not earned through money, achievements, or fame.  It is earned by being respectful, thoughtful of others, and having great character.

Posted in Character Chat | Leave a comment

Character Chat

Posted on September 19, 2011 by willieryder

For the past couple of years I have had the wonderful opportunity to volunteer in my sons elementary classroom and lead discussions about character traits.  During these sessions I usually explain to them what the trait means, read a book that relates to the trait, and ask them questions that generates conversation about the trait.

Here is the monthly schedule and topics.

  • September – Respect
  • October – Responsibility
  • November – Honesty
  • December – Caring
  • January – Justice/Fairness
  • February – Citizenship
  • March –  Courage
  • April – Perseverance
  • May – Hope

Throughout the upcoming year I will be posting the information I discuss with his class each month.

Posted in Character Chat | Leave a comment